Tonight whilst the boys were watching some TV after our pizza and movie party I cruised Pinterest. Love Pinterest.All sorts of ideas and things to try. But part of the show caught my attention. It was a comedy about a little girl who loved to dance but was absolutely horrible. Her dad encouraged her to dance if she loved to dance and not worry about how good or bad she was. I totally related. In fact the "Good Ship Lollipop" started to hum its' way through my mind at once because it was the song I practiced tap dancing to when I was 6 or so and really really wanted to be a dancer. It was from a community ed class and all I remember was shuffle kicking my heart out- but never at the same time as anyone else. I have a memory of always going left when the rest of the class went right and not knowing how to change it. And as I talked to my husband after the tv show wrapped up, a host of other like experiences went through my mind. The Summer ed acting class where I thought I'd shine and instead learned I couldn't act. The drums audition for band where I was kindly told you had to have some sense of rhythm to play percussion. The grade school musicals that I sang my heart out for- but always at the wrong key.Then there was the high school cheer-leading tryouts that I went to because when I was 4 or 5 there was nothing I wanted more to be then a Dallas Cowboy's cheerleader. I told my husband tonight, there was the A squad, the B squad, and then the wrestling cheerleaders. You can guess what team I made-it was the only one where the cheerleaders sat still while they cheered. Always my lack of coordination, inability to tell left from right, and lack of rhythm came up as a block. And honestly, I'm glad today. Because as an adult I can look back and realize that I can't tell left from right because I'm ambidextrous in some areas. I draw better left handed although I'm actually right handed. I really don't have a sense of rhythm but that doesn't stop me from totally loving my Zumba classes- and there is no one better then me at singing and dancing in their pj's when my favorite song comes on. Even so, with all these memories of things I tried growing up, only to realize they weren't "my thing" I started to think of all the people out there making resolutions tonight. Resolutions to eat better, live better, be better. And I think I'm going to resolve to pretty much stay who I am.
Because finally after 39 years I found out what I really love to do and what I really do well. Because although I couldn't make a basket if my life depended on it, although I'm master of the "spontaneous solo's" at Zumba, and although my singing is still off key, I love so much about who I am right now. I love that I have an amazing family, a job/ministry I love and believe in, a host of sweet and supportive friends, and a list a mile long of things I can't wait to learn and try. I love that God made me an artist and gave me a way of seeing the world that is pure art. I love that I can take paper and paint and fabric and glue and make something absolutely unique that glorifies God with it's creation. I love that I get to introduce other people to their own creativity and encourage and empower them to use it.
Life is pretty good. There are hard things, I have a couple of deadlines right after the holidays that have had me working over the holidays, and there's always the seasonal depression looming at this time of year, but even those a bright side. I had to work, but oh my gosh am I glad that I get to do what I love, with people I love, for people I love. The seasonal "blues" are there but they make me pay closer attention to how I feel and they make me force myself to get involved with projects and people to stay engaged.
So tonight, think a little about the you that you are and not the you that you wish you were. It's ok to want to live better, eat better, be better but make sure it's a better You that you're resolving to be and not a better someone else. Does that make sense? Appreciate who you are, do all the things you love whether you're any good at them or not, be excited about the amazing gifts and abilities you were given and be passionate about the things God's given you a passion for. Resolve to be a "you-er" you to quote Dr. Seuss, because there's no one else just like you.
But I'm also going to resolve not to resolve. But to be open to what God might have planned for me. Life never goes exactly the way I think it will anyways, and if I leave it up to God it's usually much better then I could have "resolved" to have it. But I'm all for dreaming because I think that in the dreams, God's preparing you for what He might have planned. So tonight- don't resolve. appreciate you. Let God lead- but go ahead and dream. Dream Big.